Ferraris, Lamborghinis and Swiss People, Oh My: The Return of the Auto Intern

I will begin this post with a heartfelt apology to you, dear Slovenian reader. Google analytics tells me that you comprise an increasing share of my readership and I haven't updated this blog in roughly five months. Well, fret no longer, because readers in Ljubljana and perhaps even some Western cities can go back to enjoying (read: screaming furiously at) my automotive commentary.

I could list the reasons for my lengthy absence, but research tells me that we live in a visual society and that none of you have the attention span to read something as prosaic as a list, so I've provided some visual representation of my activities.

Yep that was basically it. Either that or exams. Not entirely sure. Can't remember.

But now it's time to delve into the reason for this post: Geneva.

Geneva is a gorgeous Swiss city that sits nestled at the foot of the Alps. It is one of the world's most important financial centers and has gained some renown for manufacturing hideous watches. 

This will make women think that I have large, fully functioning genitalia! I just know it!

But each March, as Winter recedes back to the mountains and the flowers bloom, Geneva is home to a very special event: The Geneva Motor Show. How special you ask? Well, Porsche, Lamborghini, and Ferrari all chose this event to roll out new models. We also got to see the convertible Corvette Stingray, the new Golf, and some great new prototypes. So, all in all, important event.

Let's start with the Golf, as that's what most of you don't care about. It's a basically the exact same thing as the old Golf, but it offers a much wider variety of powertrain options that lead to better fuel economy. That's about it. Oh, and odds are good that it will only be available in Europe for the time being. That's good for you industrious lads in Slovenia, but bad for the majority of my readership, which is still American.

Check yourself VW.

The Lambo is much more interesting. It appears as though the design studio finally took Audi's memos to keep it safe, mildly interesting, and rather normal and fed it to the army of vampire bats that they secretly keep in the basement. This car would not look out of place with some Bond-esque torpedos. It would not surprise me if it released fireballs every time you open the doors. I would be stunned if it was powered by anything other than a dying star. Quite simply, it is an amazing throwback to the insane Lamborghinis of old.

No caption is really necessary. 

Simply astonishing.

Now, this segways very nicely into the new Ferrari. Typically, the Italian supercar manufacturers are...a bit competitive. By that, I mean that Enzo Ferrari and Ferrucio Lamborghini's meetings over cocktails used to go something like this...

Sound business practice.

And by "something like this," I mean "exactly like this." So, it goes to reason that the latest Ferrari should be even more insane, even more rabid, even more completely unhinged than the latest Lambo right?

Eh, not exactly. Let's start with the name. Ferrari's new offering has been gracefully titled, La Ferrari. Yep. That's it. They had the entire developed world breathing down their necks, waiting with irrepressible excitement for the successor to the famous Enzo, and the gave us La Ferrari. The name of their company, with a "la" tacked on. For those of you who aren't fluent in Italian, Spanish, or any other language that loves to place the letter "L" in all of their articles, let me enlighten you as to the translation of this name. "La Ferrari" is translated to English as "The Ferrari."

Now, Ferrari has been very hit or miss with its naming conventions ever since it debuted the Scuderia (Team) in 2004.  Ferrari has produced some great names, such as the F12 Berlinetta, but this definitely falls under the "Why Even Bother" category. This was unveiled on the same day as a rival company produced a car called "Veneno." That brings to mind images of snakebites, adventure, poison, and death. "La Ferrari" calls to mind images of a slightly depressed, overweight man named Ricardo sitting in a cramped cubicle in the bowels of a Ferrari satellite facility who has been made to generate a name before he heads home to hang himself.

Good idea guys. Put Milton in charge of naming a multimillion dollar flagship model.

Don't get me wrong, the La Ferrari has some amazing technology under the hood. It's the first car to employ the HYKERS system, which pairs an electric motor with a gasoline motor to create a hybrid supercar. The electric motor not only allows for better fuel economy and increased range, but it also provides a stratospheric amount of torque off the line, which enable this car to go from 0-60 in well under 3 seconds. For those of you who don't grasp the significance of that number, know that it will basically peel the skin off of your face if you floor it from a standstill.

...to this.

Your face goes from this...

Remarkable stuff, no doubt. But the rest of it is a bit...lacking. It hits a top speed of 205 mph. That's 3 mph more than the current Ferrari 458, which costs significantly less. The design is relatively pleasant. Some aspects, such as the sloped roof, are a clear homage to departed Italian designer Sergio Pininfarina. Those aspects are incredible. But the rest just appears to be recycled from old Ferrari bits.

For a company that claims to be the vanguard of automotive brilliance, that's a bit annoying.