“It shall be the Source of All Things, or, How Much is Too Much?”

As I’ve previously stated, I think that there are some odd things going on in the world of automotive design. One of most notable is also one of the most understandable. I’m talking about the “go anywhere, do anything” phenomenon that seems to be cropping up in new designs.

This phenomenon takes the notion of “market segments,” shreds it, and then throws it to a group of wolves that haven’t eaten in 6 weeks for disposal.

Final Destination for the Market Segment.

A prime example is the new Nissan Quest minivan. Let’s be clear, this is a minivan. A machine designed to allow a young mother to cart around 3 children, a load of groceries, and several dogs at once and with great economy. That’s all it’s supposed to do.

A Somewhat Liberal Interpretation of the Concept.

So, you can imagine the confusion now that Nissan has unveiled the newest iteration of the Quest.

Here was a minivan that claimed to be the start of a new chapter in the grand tale of minivans. Here was a minivan that promised classic hauling capacity along with unprecedented levels of luxury and sumptuous comfort. In short, Nissan tried to break the mold and satisfy everyone.

And it failed. Horribly. Cataclysmically.

Mere words cannot describe the awful nature of the Quest. That said, I will endeavor to do so anyway.

First, let’s start with the exterior. There’s no other way to say this. It appears to have been designed by someone that at some point lost the gift of sight. I mean, honestly, what were they thinking? The mirrors are straight off of a delivery van. The body has a Janus-like split identity. The front looks like a minivan and the back looks like a small truck. The fusion is spectacularly awful.

KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!
Image courtesy of the NY Times.

My Labrador saw a picture of this car on my computer and was promptly sick.

The interior isn’t much better. The steering is a bit numb and the button configurations and total layout appear to have been drawn up for a driver with several tentacles and a complete lack of spatial awareness. Most notably, silence, the most important hallmark of any luxury car (or any car designed to take many people a long way) is utterly and completely absent. The shocking amount of road noise would convince a blindfolded passenger that they were in New Orleans, circa 2004.

It's Sort of Like This, But Louder.

The car is awful. Biblically awful. And this is because it tries too hard to satisfy everyone. There is a reason that there are market segments. There is a reason that people buy cars with different priorities in mind. The Nissan Quest is a perfect example of the horrors that result when a company tries too hard to please everyone. They please nobody.