"A Treatise on the Proliferation of The Most Popular Brand in the World," or "Why Do People Buy Toyotas?"

Numbers don't lie. Common sense dictates that this is because they can't write, speak, or otherwise communicate. This is not only a remarkably obvious statement, but is often a very simple approach to take when analyzing brand strength. These aforementioned numbers are currently sitting on my desktop, informing me that Toyota is the most popular brand in the world. This is where I take issue with the idea that numbers don't lie. In this case, the numbers are evil, lying bastards, because nobody in their right mind would willingly purchase a Toyota.

The Camry, resplendent in an invigorating shade of beige.

Take the above Camry for instance. This is the 2012 model, which is more expensive than the much better 2012 Ford Fusion. It also is made from cheaper materials, gets worse gas mileage, and will inevitably accelerate uncontrollably and run over your dog.

The story is much the same with the rest of the lineup. As a matter of fact, the only car that Toyota currently makes that I even remotely like is the FRS, which is sold as a Scion. The only other car that I even come close to understanding is the Prius, which I hate more than anything else on Earth.

Although it's true that a Prius will return spectacular fuel mileage, you could get almost double the EPA rating with a diesel. This will allow you to continue your stingy habits at the pump and it will also prevent you from looking a bit...disturbed, which you would certainly be if you chose to drive a Prius about town.

You see, the Prius is driven almost exclusively by those that want to be seen. You know the type, Hollywood celebrities, rich socialites, the dentist that lives across the street...they all drive Priuses because they like the idea of being seen as they "save the planet."

In reality, the Prius is one of the world's most environmentally unfriendly machines (take a look at how it's produced) and is completely substandard when compared with a less hideous and more spacious diesel competitor. 

From this, we can gather that the only reason that a rational human being would purchase a Toyota is that they have completely lost the will to live and assisted suicide is illegal in their state or nation. 

Although it's a bit more expensive, even with a government credit, I'd much rather have one of these.

Happy Independence Day