"Lamborghini Mercy, Your Cars Are Thirsty," or, "The Folly of The Green Movement's Latest Iteration"

In recent years, the Green Movement has positively exploded. Societal pressures to be "environmentally friendly" have increased at an unprecedented rate. In between inventing the internet and losing the 2000 Presidential Election, Al Gore began to make waves in the media with his controversial statements about the dangers of the car and its role in the death of the Greater Banded Moroccan Face Leech. By 2007, a film titled "An Inconvenient Truth" had won an Academy Award and was causing many to seriously consider their role in the inexorable warming of the planet.

Something was done here.

Now, the environmental craze has hit Lamborghini. Yes, you read that correctly. Lamborghini, the company whose cars run on a fine mixture of Myrrh, Rembrandts, and the tears of the 99%, is attempting to be environmentally friendly. 

Lambo has forked over $14.3 million to build a new prototype facility in Italy that, if the hype is to be believed, will not only refreeze the ice caps and bring the Greater Banded Moroccan Face Leech back to life, but also end world hunger and replace all CO2 emissions with little puffs of happiness. 

The unique construction techniques and power devices allow the structure to produce zero CO2 emissions. The facility will also use only 8 KW/hr/M, which makes it absurdly simple to power. These factors have combined to earn the facility Italy's first "A" environmental rating, which makes Lambo a legitimate contender in the green subsection of the automotive world.

Despite the green production facilities, it seems a bit unlikely that Lamborghini will actually change their cars enough to return the same MPG ratings as the Toyota Prius. The culture of excess associated with Lamborghini is, to many people, their main appeal. Just ask Kanye. 

Lamborghini Mercy. They really are thirsty.

Yeezy spits truth. 

Video From Youtube

"A Treatise on the Proliferation of The Most Popular Brand in the World," or "Why Do People Buy Toyotas?"

Numbers don't lie. Common sense dictates that this is because they can't write, speak, or otherwise communicate. This is not only a remarkably obvious statement, but is often a very simple approach to take when analyzing brand strength. These aforementioned numbers are currently sitting on my desktop, informing me that Toyota is the most popular brand in the world. This is where I take issue with the idea that numbers don't lie. In this case, the numbers are evil, lying bastards, because nobody in their right mind would willingly purchase a Toyota.

The Camry, resplendent in an invigorating shade of beige.

Take the above Camry for instance. This is the 2012 model, which is more expensive than the much better 2012 Ford Fusion. It also is made from cheaper materials, gets worse gas mileage, and will inevitably accelerate uncontrollably and run over your dog.

The story is much the same with the rest of the lineup. As a matter of fact, the only car that Toyota currently makes that I even remotely like is the FRS, which is sold as a Scion. The only other car that I even come close to understanding is the Prius, which I hate more than anything else on Earth.

Although it's true that a Prius will return spectacular fuel mileage, you could get almost double the EPA rating with a diesel. This will allow you to continue your stingy habits at the pump and it will also prevent you from looking a bit...disturbed, which you would certainly be if you chose to drive a Prius about town.

You see, the Prius is driven almost exclusively by those that want to be seen. You know the type, Hollywood celebrities, rich socialites, the dentist that lives across the street...they all drive Priuses because they like the idea of being seen as they "save the planet."

In reality, the Prius is one of the world's most environmentally unfriendly machines (take a look at how it's produced) and is completely substandard when compared with a less hideous and more spacious diesel competitor. 

From this, we can gather that the only reason that a rational human being would purchase a Toyota is that they have completely lost the will to live and assisted suicide is illegal in their state or nation. 

Although it's a bit more expensive, even with a government credit, I'd much rather have one of these.

Happy Independence Day